Six unimportant things

Kateland of The Last Amazon has tagged me for this odd meme where you list six unimportant things / habits / weirdnesses about yourself, and because I am full of odd quirks, I will happily play along.

1.  I hate monkeys; actually, I hate all non-human primates.  If I see actual monkeys (on TV or in the flesh), I will immediately scowl and mutter “stinky monkeys” under my breath.  I know most folks find them cute, and we’re supposed to love them because they are our close genetic kin, but it just doesn’t work for me.  Maybe I’ve seen Planet of the Apes too many times, I don’t know.  Never had any traumatic experiences with them at the zoo, other than that their enclosures generally reek.  But I do know one thing: humanity will dominate this galaxy, bub, not hygiene-impaired, poo-flinging monkeys.

2.  I have a hard time enjoying movies, TV shows or books.  My brain will constantly try to predict the lamest cliché / canard / plot device that could possibly be inserted into the narrative.  Most shows and books (even the documentaries/non-fiction) live down to my low expectations quickly and consistently.

3.  Male African lions have a series of calls they emit in the early morning and late evening, to define the size of the pride’s territory and ward off interlopers.  I will occasionally do my human impression of these lion calls when my territory is being encroached upon (i.e. Wanda is stealing the bedsheets or trying to nab morsels of my entrée).  I blame Animal Planet.

4.  Leftover pizza is best eaten cold—at refrigerator temperature—as breakfast.  It just tastes better that way.  Fresh pizza can be hot, but the leftovers must always be cold.  ALWAYS.

5.  I can share my food or drink (i.e. drink from the same glass) with a total stranger and not get grossed out, but the food itself must not mix on the plate.  I have a high degree of confidence that my immune system can beat your germs, but I know from personal experience that taste buds are fickle creatures with no defensive ability whatsoever.  You ruin it for them, and you’re ruining the pleasure of mealtime for every cell that depends on them.  So the peas can not become embedded in the mashed potatoes, who must not migrate into the steak, etc.  I know the old-fogey answer is that it all ends up in the same place, but people who say that will get kicked in the nads regardless of age, sex or osteoporosis.  Let me take your morning eggs benedict, lunchtime tuna sandwich and dinnertime jerk chicken and cram it all into a blender.  Then you can have one glass of the same disgusting goop at each mealtime.  It all goes to the same place!

6.  I have to move at best possible speed on public transit even if I’m not actually trying to get anywhere fast.  It’s the competitive jerk in me.

I will name my six meme-victims a little later, after I’ve had time to evaluate who is likely to have weird and entertaining habits.

UPDATE: Here are my six victims (well six, plus one bonus victim) whom I know will have a least one entertaining hang-up.

1.  The Ghost of a Flea, my Britannic brother from another mother.

2.  The Tiger in Exile, this generation’s Jay Nordlinger.

3.  Damian Brooks, my taller brother from another mother, because I probably have more hair on my back than the two of us combined have on our scalps.

4.  Fenris Badwulf of Mitchieville, because his odd habits will make the rest of us seem like senior citizens overdosing on NyQuil.

5.  The Meatriarch, because he is secretly blogging again, and someone needs to bring these nefarious activities to light.

6.  Gorthos (my leftist brother from another mother), because he understands Jean-Paul Sartre’s maxim that “Hell is other people”.

7.  Nicholas Russon, my beery brother from another mother, because there is no greater hive of scum and villainy than guys who like to play games on hex maps and move little paper chits around  (and yes, it takes one to know one).

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6 Responses
  1. Kateland says:

    Thanks for being a good sport…I am with you on 4, and as far as 5 & 6 goes, you sound like my sons.

  2. I’m working on it . . .

    With both Chris Taylor and Damian “Babbling” Brooks tagging me with this meme, I guess I’ll have to come up with something vague and disappointing . . . er, I mean keep in with the cool blog-kids. Give me a…

  3. Half-a-dozen notions lacking in importance and relevance

    This is my best attempt to satisfy the outrageous demands of Chris Taylor and Damian “Babbling” Brooks who conspired to tag me with this meme. Chris mentions his dislike of monkeys, and I’m with him on that: my best friend…

  4. Nicholas says:

    I’m so with you on the whole “monkey” thing, but cold pizza? Eeeeuch!
    My response here.