That’s got to hurt

Man found in schoolyard with pants down, impaled on sharp metal pole.

Toronto police found a man impaled on a sharp metal pole in a schoolyard on Friday morning.

The victim told police he was trying to escape three masked street robbers by climbing a small tree but then slipped, impaling himself in the “anal region” on the support stake, Sgt. Roger Marchack told

The incident took place behind Roywood Public School, near York Mills Road and the Don Valley Parkway.

Officers arrived at the scene at about 7:30 a.m. after receiving a tip from a concerned citizen. The man told police he had been stuck for at least two hours until the passerby noticed him.

— Staff, “Man impaled by pole in Toronto schoolyard“, April 4th, 2008.

Initially you read this stuff and you think “this guy must be a pervert.”  Pants down, in a schoolyard from 5:30am, with a metal rod stuck up his ass.  I was going to post something snarky i.e. “A likely story”, but one neighbour’s account seems to corroborate that maybe there were other guys on the scene after all:

Nearby residents alerted police after they heard moans coming from the schoolyard.

“I’m not sure how many people were here, if there were more than one it would be like three or five. It wasn’t a big group like 15 or 20 … but it was just running and grunting and we just knew, everybody knew, that something was just not right,” resident Lynn Ludford told CBC News.

— CBC News, “Man found impaled on post in schoolyard“, April 4th, 2008.

I note in passing that no media source except CTV and the Canadian Press (via the Hamilton Spectator) note the “pants down” angle.  680 News seems to have missed it, along with CBC, CityNews and the Toronto Star.

UPDATE: Police are downplaying rumours of sexual misconduct in this morning’s incident, but also said the story of an attempted robbery “doesn’t match up” with evidence found at the scene.

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