No, really, what could possibly go wrong?

This is one of the weirder things I have seen in Europa Universalis III.  In the middle of the Reformation, with religious wars brewing between its Catholic and Protestant members, the Holy Roman Empire charges off to war with the Ottomans.

The Ottoman armies rather effortlessly stomp all over Hungary and start sieging bits of Austria.  Despite having become Protestant, I toss the Catholic Emperor a few hundred ducats a year in wartime funding, as I really do not want Ottomans on Vienna’s doorstep.

The war is six or seven years long and eventually, the HRE turns the tide and occupies virtually all of the Balkans and Greece.  And what does the emperor ask for in his peace deal?  Re-conquered Hungarian provinces?  Some kind of buffer between Austria and the Turks?

No.  He asks for this:


Hands up, everyone who thinks it’s a good idea to let ze Germans run Judea?

Yeah, me neither.

UPDATE: For the Flea, parts of Europe and Anatolia, circa 1597.

snap0009The Netherlands are busy gobbling up all their like-cultured neighbours in a bid to form Europe’s sea-level superpower.  They are presently beating the stuffing out of the Bishopric of Utrecht and will probably annex it sometime within the next five years.

They are usually my ally, but at the moment the security alliance is severed as I do not want to get dragged into a half-dozen Dutch wars of unification.  I have designs on Africa and India and can’t tie up too many troops on the Continent.

snap0007 The Duchy of Austria, also Holy Roman Emperor since the start of the game—despite my best efforts to have the Protestant electors support somebody else.

Presently embroiled in a  massive conflict with their longtime Ottoman enemies.  I helped the Austrians out a little by taking some Ottoman Middle Eastern provinces, and smashing the hell out of the Ottoman navy in the Mediterranean.  At one time they were the second-largest navy in the world, with 79 galleys and 10 transports.  Now they have about five of each.  I lost a grand total of one frigate during that war’s naval engagements.

snap0008 Well-defended Cyprus and British Israel.  This territory (along with the adjacent provinces of Qara Koyunlu) actually bisects the Ottoman Empire, so that the Turks have no land connection to their African provinces.

This may cause the African provinces to revolt away from Ottoman rule.  Or they may decide to fix the problem by invading and retaking parts of British Israel.  Only time will tell.

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2 Responses
  1. Flea says:

    How are they making out so far?

  2. Chris Taylor says:

    Shockingly well for a guy whose armies were just about annihilated 97 years ago.
    I was opportunistic and decided to invade the Low Countries while the Holy Roman Emperor was busy fighting the Turks. Forced him to release the Netherlands, who are now busily devouring their Dutch-cultured neighbours. I had destroyed his armies down to about 5,000 guys and was sieging Vienna at war’s end.
    Somehow Austria rebounded from that defeat and is now a massive blob on par with its historic size. They invaded a couple of German minors and an Italian minor, inherited the Teutonic Knights along the Baltic, and recently inherited Hungary. They are presently (circa 1597 AD) fighting the Ottomans (and a couple dozen Ottoman vassals). And winning, handily. Of course I am funding the hell out of that war effort too.
    The Ottomans are no slouch either, their empire is massive. From Greece in the North to the Horn of Africa in the south, and from Egypt in the west to Persia in the east. They are presently involved in a succession war against tiny one-province Granada for the right to inherit Morocco. Gee, I wonder who will win that one.
    I couldn’t take the idea of Austrian Judea so I had to go crusading for British Eretz Israel. The Austrians coughed up Judea during the war to liberate the Dutch, and I took Damascus, Beirut and Hawran from the Ottomans within the last decade. Cyprus was inherited peacefully. It makes an excellent staging area for naval blockade of the Turkish coast.