Drew Barrymore is alarming

drew_barrymore_1Back in the mid-to-late 80s, when I was just entering my teen years, and Drew Barrymore was just entering hers, I used to think she was kinda hot stuff.  Certainly Drew had all the qualifications that teens of my age sought: some semblance of sentience, an enormous mane of hair, a nice figure, a 20 Minute Workout outfit, and a willingness to wear it.  But like many youthful infatuations, I quickly forgot about Drew as her filmography consistently failed to include anything with guns, violence and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

As the decades passed, it became common to see Ms. Barrymore shilling a plethora of crappy movies, plus endorsements for makeup products that claim to—but self-evidently fail—to match her skin tone.  Through this slowly intensifying media exposure, I began to realise that Ms. Barrymore had grown into a horrible monster, needing a smack in the face with a shovel.  Not because of anything she has said or done.  Mostly because she is a freak of nature.

pbs_logo What do you mean, I hear you asking.  Well, her forehead has suffered some kind of structural collapse, and now it and her nose are one big uninterrupted angle.  She has become the living embodiment of the PBS logo.  An accident of twisted advertising science come to horrible, monstruous life.  There’s the logo on the right.  Now compare to the photos below:

drew_barrymore_2

That girl ain’t right.  Please, medical science, come up with a cure for whatever is affecting her fivehead, and get it back to its normal position and angle.  We already have a PBS logo; isn’t one enough?

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