How to be a drama queen

Celebutard blogger Perez Hilton allegedly got into an altercation with security guards and Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas.  All of them being here in Toronto for the MuchMusic Video Awards.

Here are some of his tweets concerning the incident.

-I’m in shock. I need the police ASAP. Please come to the SoHo Metropolitan Hotel now. Please.

-I was assaulted by Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and his security guards. I am bleeding. Please, I need to file a police report. No joke.

-Still waiting for the police. The bleeding has stopped. I need to document this. Please, can the police come to the SoHo Met Hotel.

-I spoke to my lawyer. I really need to talk to the authorities. Please come to the SoHo Met Hotel. Have called the police. Need them here.

I don’t know how big an idiot one has to be, to be an able-bodied adult with functional knowledge of how to use the telephone, but not enough knowledge to look up the number of the local police in the phone book.  Or even to call the fargin’ concierge of the hotel you’re staying at, and ask them to call the police.

This reminds me of the time my grandmother got chest pains in the middle of a weekday, and thought she was having a heart attack.  First she called her daughter, who was not home.  Then she called her granddaughter, who also was not home (people generally being at work at this time).  Finally she called a friend, and related her troubles.  The friend spent a half hour trying to convince her that it would be best to call 9-1-1, if one truly thought a heart attack was imminent or underway.  My grandmother was too nervous to contact the authorities herself, never really having much exposure to them.  So after a half-hour discussion the friend ended up calling 9-1-1 instead.  Ridiculous.

You may have guessed by now that it wasn’t actually a heart attack.

Now of course Grandmother got thoroughly lectured on how it is best to call emergency services directly if one thinks an emergency is underway, but it has made absolutely no difference.  She still calls everyone but the medics if she thinks she’s experiencing some calamity.  Although she sits no more than fifty yards from a nurse and has “attendant call” devices at her fingertips, she still calls every relative on speed dial first, and it’s up to one of us to call the nurses’ station and brief them on the situation.

Seems like Perez Hilton has a similarly impractical approach.

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