Not a substitute for a seatbelt

Russian model Irene Ferrari—owner of Russia’s largest breast implants, according to Pravda—involuntarily used one of her assets as a shock absorber during a flight from Moscow to Zurich while traveling with an unnamed Swiss air carrier.

Turbulence is normally of the convective, vertical variety, so it’s not a massive deceleration that would cause 29-year-old Ms. Ferrari to meet the seatback in front of her.  It seems rather more likely that her abnormally high center of gravity renders her inherently unstable.  When subjected to rapid vertical or lateral movements, she would (in nautical parlance) be more prone to rolling or capsizing than a vessel whose CoG was closer to (or below) the waterline.  Her onboard gyroscopes and inertial reference systems might not be able to compensate quickly enough to avoid a regrettable buckling along the Y-axis, causing face or torso to meet seatback.  A not entirely sympathetic judge might decide this is something of a self-inflicted condition.

…During a Moscow-Zurich flight the plane experienced some strong turbulence and the model hit the back of the chair in front of her with her breast.

The silicon breast worked like airbags. Doctors said that if it was not them, Irene would be spending some time in a hospital with broken ribs. She only got some bruises and strong pain in her left breast. When in Moscow, the model felt so sick she had to go see a doctor.

— “Proud owner of Russia’s largest silicon breasts sues airline.”  Pravda, 08 June 2010.

Remember now, airbags are only a supplemental restraint system.

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