News you can use

…from the world of cinema, via Cracked magazine.

  • Good news! A zombie outbreak would fail without a whole lot of effort and toil. Zombie ecology renders them more or less designed to fail:

    …Their main form of reproduction is also their only source of food and their top predator. If they want to eat or reproduce, they have to go toe to toe with their number one predator every single time. That’s like having to fight a lion every time you to want to have sex or make a sandwich. Actually, it’s worse than that: Most top predators are only armed with teeth and claws, meaning they have to put themselves in harm’s way to score a kill. Humans have rifles. The zombies have no choice but to walk into bullets.

    — Dietle, David.  “7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly).” Cracked.com, 17 August 2010.

  • Raiders of the Lost Ark was a brilliant movie when I saw it as a kid, but in the light of adult reflection, its plot made no sense whatsoever. This and five other films could have had their plot lines solved in a couple of minutes, at best.

    Instead of stealing and re-stealing the Ark from the Nazis, Indiana Jones and the U.S. Army should have been rooting for them to find it. Their best case scenario is that the Nazis mission goes exactly according to plan: find it, ship it off to Germany and open it in a lavish pageant in Berlin with the whole Nazi high command in attendance. That was what they had planned to do all along. All the top Nazis in Berlin, including Hitler, front and center at the grand opening of a device that has a reputation for melting the faces of anyone in its vicinity.

    It’d not only be the end of the movie, but of the whole damned war.

    — della Quercia, Jacopo.  “6 Movie Plots That Could Have Been Solved In Minutes.” Cracked.com, 11 August 2010.

    Amen to that.

Category: Ars Gratia Artis  Tags: ,
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