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Missing the proverbial boat

Low-cost carrier AirTran (formerly ValuJet) is running a promotion in partnership with Sports Illustrated, featuring the magazine’s famed swimsuit edition.  To this end, AirTran has bedecked one of its 737s with the following swimsuit-clad figure.

Said adornment has caused the AirTran chapter of the Association of Flight Attendants to note its displeasure, according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution (and also via Gawker):

“It is our feeling that this is not only contrary to the family image that this company tries to promote, but also potentially offensive to their female employees, the majority of their flight attendants who will have to work on this aircraft,” the union said, adding that it “creates a potential for verbal abuse by male passengers.”

– Yamanouchi, Kelly.  “Flight attendants protest AirTran swimsuit plane.” Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 2 March 2010.

The airline feels, correctly, that a swimsuit-clad lady ornamenting a single aircraft fuselage is not unduly concupiscent.  Being in the tradition of beautiful yet tasteful Second World War bomber nose art; or the even more recent revival by Virgin Atlantic.  Which is some twenty-five years old now, and your correspondent is not aware of any swimsuit-lady-driven spike in male-initiated verbal abuse of female flight attendants in Virgin’s operating history.

Considering that such art adorns every Virgin Atlantic aircraft (and there are some 37 of them), one must, by the Association’s reckoning, assess the risk to those cabin crews as being several times greater than that borne by AirTran.

One may also wish to remind the Association that the swimsuit lady was on the outside of the aircraft, so the time of the greatest risk of inappropriate male behaviour was pre-boarding, while the AirTran 737 was at the gate and the passengers were still outside the aircraft, capable of seeing the woman on the fuselage.  After boarding, the greatest risk is to the cabin crews on adjacent aircraft, whose passengers still have a shot at seeing the swimsuit-clad woman on the 737’s exterior.

But that is all based on the Association of Flight Attendants’ fatuous reckoning of human nature.  In reality where adults dwell, the Association’s biggest blunder lay in focusing on the symptom, not the cause.

Swimsuit-clad ladies painted on airplanes are not the problem.  The airline trying to lure male passengers by dangling a pathetic chance of chatting with SI swimsuit models on a flight from New York to Vegas, plus two weekend parties with same, is the problem.

Party with the SI Swimsuit Models in Las Vegas!

Is Sports Illustrated your favorite magazine? What about the Swimsuit edition? Well if you love both, this is the event of a lifetime. Travel on AirTran Airways with the 2010 Sport Illustrated Swimsuit models from New York to Las Vegas for the party of the year! One winner and their guest will fly on AirTran Airways along with SI Swimsuit Models featured in the 2010 SI Swimsuit issue.

The winner will receive

  • Airfare for two (2) to New York to board the flight to Las Vegas
  • A two (2) night hotel stay in Las Vegas
  • Two (2) tickets to the SI Swimsuit On Location Party at the The Mirage Resort & Casino
  • Two (2) tickets to the Club SI Swimsuit Party at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino

– “AirTran Airways Sports Illustrated® Swimsuit Fly Away Sweepstakes—Official Rules.” AirTran Airways, 2010.  Web.  2 March 2010.

So, the SI swimsuit models were contractually obligated to fly from New York to Las Vegas with the contest winners, and probably also to mingle with them a teeny bit at said SI-sponsored parties (all of this having wrapped up, in actuality, by February 12th, 2010).

To be blunt, the contest involves flying across the country in order to converse with contractually-obligated attractive women in three carefully controlled situations.  The only chaps this is likely to appeal to are those that don’t think they have a shot at chatting with any locally-derived attractive women who can stay or depart at their own leisure.  And such chaps might, indeed, decide to make a play for a flight attendant, or behave inappropriately.  If that were to happen, however, it would have nothing at all to do with a woman being painted on a 737 fuselage, and everything to do with the contest which caused that woman to be painted on the fuselage.  And the management which endorsed said contest, which would be properly understood as the root cause.

Rather than start a round of hand-waving over something utterly inconsequential, AirTran’s members of the Association of Flight Attendants would be much better advised to address the root, and not a mere symptom.

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The price of greatness is responsibility

One cannot help but chuckle all the way through this post by Jethead.

Yeah, it’s all about the four stripes. A lot of stuff changes the day you put them on.

Sure, there’s the instant recognition from coworkers. They know the reality behind the symbols of authority and reflect that in their very manner. That’s the outward effect. Inward? Well, you know you’ve arrived.

…You have to be confident to earn the respect of the Cabin crew, plus that of your fellow pilots, who are secretly happy about the fact that you have the four stripes, not them, although they do love to kid around. Never mind that it could be–SHOULD BE–them in the left seat now occupied by your sorry lard ass, no one’s bitter.

– “Airline Captain: It’s all about the prestige.”  JetHead, 18 February 2010.

The closing image and caption are not to be missed.

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Good call

Speedbird 38, a British Airways Boeing 777-200ER (registry G-YMMM) landed short of Heathrow's Rwy 27L on January 17th, 2008.

BA 777 Landing Short Heathrow., originally uploaded by ldn2ca.

Every person will, at some point, encounter an extraordinary situation in which regulations or prior training will incline them to take one course of action, but the specifics of the scenario will lead their instinct to override it and choose another.  Most of us will not be placed in a situation where that call is time-critical and the course of hundreds of lives will depend on the outcome.

On January 17th, 2008, the flight crew of ill-fated Speedbird 38 (BA038) made a last-minute adjustment to their flap settings, opting to extend their touchdown zone rather than have the guts ripped out of their crippled steed by Runway 27L’s localizer array and approach lighting.

Captain Peter Burkill altered the flap settings to reduce drag when the Boeing Co. 777 was only 240 feet above the ground, the U.K. Air Accidents Investigation Branch said in a report today. That delayed the impact for 50 meters (164 feet) and the plane came down on a grass apron with no fatalities.

The Boeing cracked a wing and had its wheels ripped off in the crash on Jan. 17, 2008, after frozen fuel lines stopped its engines from providing sufficient thrust as it neared Heathrow. Had the pilot not adjusted the flaps the 777 would have plowed into a cluster of antennas that communicate with the instrument landing systems of aircraft before touchdown, the AAIB said.

…“You have to take your hat off to Captain Burkill because while reducing the amount of flap helps maintain speed it also diminishes lift and it’s something you never, ever do,” said Kieran Daly, an air-safety commentator and former pilot. “So really it’s an extraordinary thing. An act of genius.”

– Prione, Sabine.  “British Airways Pilot Averted Worse Crash, Study Says.” Bloomberg BusinessWeek, 9 February 2010.

Despite that good decision, the award of the BA Safety Medal (only awarded three times previously), and a later return to flying duties, Captain Burkill took voluntary redundancy and left British Airways in 2009.

He’s got a website to market his upcoming book, and few brief blog posts, too.

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I’ll pass on the Mile High Club, thanks

While your intrepid gazetteer is supportive of many efforts to further man’s mastery of the skies, making sexytime in an aircraft lavatory is one of those pursuits that he has never been able to fully comprehend.  For some of us, the appeal of flying lies in the way in which the aircraft becomes an extension of the person; granting the freedom to move in three dimensions with the winged creatures of the earth, to take in sumptuous and serene vistas which few can routinely see, to visit remote locales which few have visited.

The idea of spending one’s time aloft locked in a tiny windowless closet, taking in the smell of human waste and chemical disinfectants, while simultaneously trying to put Tab A into Slot B seems like Missing The Point on a rather grand and tragic scale.  There is no philosophy in it, no majesty or grandeur.  It is like winning a million-dollar lottery prize, and spending every last cent of one’s winnings on table salt.

JetHead, a veteran captain having logged 24 years flying service with American Airlines, also does not see the point:

2. Mile High Club? Seriously?

What, in an outhouse? The last guy’s skid marks (remember: no water) stinking the place up? Now THAT’S amore. And you’d have to be an idiot. Your buddy who claims he did it in the lav (yeah, right) is an idiot for even thinking about it.

– JetHead.  “Airliner Lavatories: No Blue Sky and NO DEUCE. Ever.”  JetHead’s Blog, 3 February 2010.

He also goes into some detail about the ventilation systems, and how the ah, aerosolised byproducts of lav activity make their way into the cockpit very quickly.  Ew.  Very funny read, though.

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Second opinion

Kent Wien, 757/767 pilot and author of Gadling.com columns Cockpit Chronicles and Plane Answers, points out where the NTSB’s examination of the Colgan Air 3407 accident falls short of the mark.

Glossed over in the report was the fact that both the captain and first officer had very little sleep over the previous 24 hours. The NTSB says the captain had ‘reduced sleep opportunities’ and attempted to rest in the company crew lounge. Apparently the attempts at sleeping there weren’t effective since the captain logged on to a company computer at 3:10 in the morning.

…But one of the investigators in the Colgan accident, Robert Sumwalt refuses to allow for the possibility that fatigue was even a contributing factor in the accident, saying “…just because the crew was fatigued, that doesn’t mean it was a factor in their performance.”

Incredible.

…The role of fatigue was mentioned during an NTSB hearing on the Colgan accident. Board chairman Deborah Hersman argued that several issues, including the crew’s sleep deficits and the time of day the accident took place, were factors and said that fatigue was present and should be counted as a contributing factor to the crew’s performance.

But the view of board member and former USAirways pilot Robert Sumwalt prevailed. He concluded that fatigue wasn’t a factor in the accident. It didn’t stop them from detailing the role it played in Colgan 3407 (PDF LINK)

So if nicotine is found to cause some cancer, but its role in a person’s life expectancy cannot be determined, should we rule it out as a possible factor in a lung cancer death?

– Wien, Kent.  “Plane Answers: NTSB glosses over fatigue in the Colgan crash.” Gadling.com, 4 February 2010.

RELATED: Kent argues convincingly that the Colgan crew was not distracted by idle chatter, since they didn’t say anything other than the usual callouts for two minutes prior to the stall condition.

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Concorde

Concorde!, originally uploaded by sfPhotocraft.
Concorde Cockpit, originally uploaded by Fly For Fun.
Concorde cabin, originally uploaded by capitals of tin.
Concorde & Red Arrows, originally uploaded by benrowlands.

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British Airways Concorde tribute

The apogee of British civil aviation, whose like we shall not see again.

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This is how the market works

G-EUXM, originally uploaded by dm.photo.

Unite, the British Airways cabin crew union, has decided to launch what may be the most ill-timed job action in the history of aviation.  The union plans to go on strike for twelve days, from December 22nd through January 3rd, effectively halting BA’s operations during the busy Christmas season.  The airline is fighting a rearguard action, trying to have a court halt the strike due to alleged balloting irregularities.

Meanwhile, BA’s competitors smile as they twist the shiv.  British Midland Airways and Virgin Atlantic have both boosted seat capacity on major routes, to offer the stranded another way to hearth and home.  BMI has also granted the use of their own lounges to BA silver and gold cardholders.

Some of British Airways’ saner cabin attendants are now contemplating the scope of the PR disaster engineered by their union, realising that kicking the travelling public in the nads during the holiday season might indicate a certain lack of civility and graciousness.  Not to mention fatally crippling their erstwhile employer.

There’s a lesson in there, somewhere.

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Category: Industria  Tags:  Comments off

RKCR/Y&R: Virgin Atlantic “Still Red Hot” Ad (2009)

Although not terribly well-known on this side of the pond, the Virgin Atlantic ad by Rainy Kelly Campbell Roalfe/Young & Rubicam features iconic New Wave music of the ’80s (“Relax” by Frankie Goes to Hollywood) and is instantly recognisable in Britain.

Perhaps inevitably, the ad has certainly inspired no small number of imitators and parodies.

Australian comedienne Pam Ann (Caroline Reid):

Liam Southall’s bus driver satire:

And the very funny Comedy Club UK parody (embedding disabled, sorry) featuring “Essex girls.” I should note, for North American readers, that “Essex girl” is Brit slang for a certain stereotype, i.e. a promiscuous, underachieving blonde from a blue-collar neighbourhood.  A typical fashion hallmark of the Essex girl are a pair of white stilettos.

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Category: Media  Tags: ,  Comments off

When your old life catches up with your new life

edita_schindlerova

Edita Schindlerova, 22, in Ryanair uniform (left) and in what one might charitably call an undress uniform (right).

Ryanair is an Irish low-cost airline headquartered in Dublin, with Dublin Airport (EIDW) and London Stanstead Airport (EGSS) being its major hubs.  Every year the company recruits a dozen of its good-looking cabin attendants to pose in skimpy outfits for a calendar whose proceeds are donated to charity.

This year, an eagle-eyed tabloid reporter realised that one of Ryanair’s flight attendants, Ms. Edita Schindlerova, also had a second career in the adult entertainment industry.  To their credit, Ryanair’s spokesmen waved away the media’s salivating prurience by stating “What people do before or after they work for us is their business.”

What a rare and refreshing display of sanity from an employer.

Edita in the Ryanair 2009 calendar (February)

Ms. Schindlerova in the Ryanair 2009 calendar.

For those of us who have not had to worry too hard about where the next paycheque is coming from (and I count myself in that number), it can be all too easy to dismiss folks who take a harder, grittier road as moral and intellectual midgets. Women like Ms. Schindlerova, Dr. Brooke Magnanti (a.k.a Belle de Jour) and Ms. Louisa C. Tuck (a.k.a Crystal Gunns) attract much attention and opprobrium; much of it, I think, patently misguided.

We have many examples of how society treats people once their seedier pasts become known.  Ms. Tuck’s employer (the Vineland, N.J. school district) was pressured to fire her; she eventually resigned.  In another famous instance, a Florida town manager got the axe because his wife was a porn star.  The exception of course is Dr. Magnanti, who wrote a well-read blog, then a book which in turn was optioned for a successful television series.  But not every journey into a career catering to men’s fantasies is so lucrative, rewarding and favourably regarded.

Not having lived each circumstance in intimate detail, we cannot always know what factors drive some people to make the choices they have.  I have, however, known some people who have had to take on careers that I would consider both sinful and objectively horrifying, and yet those people have survived, flourished, found stable relationships and started families in spite of those potentially soul-deadening experiences.  I do not think any less of them for it; my attitude is simply “There but for the grace of God go I.”  For I do not harbour flattering illusions about what any human being might be motivated to do, given the right circumstance.

And I must applaud Ryanair—whatever their other failings as a commercial carrier—for acting humanely and sensibly.  In this generation, where adults and kids routinely share too much of their private lives—on television, Facebook, blogs and any other outlet within reach—our notions of propriety are surely going to be stretched in uncomfortable ways.

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Category: Current Affairs  Tags: ,  Comments off